Postpartum Depression and Anxiety: Where to Get Help in NY and CT

When the feeling does not match the moment

It is the middle of the night, the baby is finally asleep, and you are wide awake with your heart racing. Or you feel flat, like you are watching your own life from across the room. Everyone keeps saying how happy you must be. You are not sure what you feel, and you are afraid to say it out loud.

You are not alone, and you are not a bad parent. ACOG, the national group for OB-GYNs, says that about 2 to 3 days after childbirth some people begin to feel depressed, anxious and upset, and may even feel angry with the baby, their partner or their other children. Those early feelings, often called the baby blues, usually get better within a few days or 1 to 2 weeks without treatment.

Our post Is it postpartum or just baby blues? walks through what the blues feel like day to day, and Is postpartum anxiety normal? covers the racing thoughts many parents describe. This guide focuses on the signs that mean it is time to call someone, and on the phone numbers that work in New York and Connecticut.

Baby blues, depression, anxiety and psychosis in plain words

These four are different, and the difference often comes down to how strong the feelings are and how long they last. Only a health care provider can tell you which one you are dealing with. Here is how the official sources describe them.

• Baby blues: mood swings, crying spells, feeling sad, anxious or overwhelmed, and trouble sleeping in the days after birth, according to womenshealth.gov. The blues usually go away within a few days.
• Postpartum depression: ACOG describes intense feelings of sadness, anxiety or despair that keep people from being able to do their daily tasks. It can occur up to 1 year after having a baby and most commonly starts about 1 to 3 weeks after childbirth. NIMH lists signs such as a sad, anxious or "empty" mood most of the day, nearly every day, for at least 2 weeks, trouble bonding with the baby, and persistent doubts about being able to care for the baby.
• Anxiety: womenshealth.gov notes that mothers can also have anxiety disorders during or after pregnancy. NIMH lists feeling restless and having trouble sleeping even when the baby is asleep among common symptoms of perinatal depression, and the two often show up together.
• Postpartum psychosis: NIMH describes delusions (beliefs that are not true), hallucinations (seeing, hearing or smelling things that are not there), mania, paranoia and confusion. NIMH calls it a psychiatric emergency: call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room.

Partners can be affected too

The parent who gave birth is not the only one at risk. The American Academy of Pediatrics says supporting parents are at risk too, and that partners of all genders can develop depression before or after a baby arrives. Adoptive parents and parents through surrogacy can also experience it. In fathers, the AAP notes that irritability, anger and aggression are common symptoms, which can make depression easy to miss.

Partners and family are also often the first to notice. NIMH says spouses, partners, family members and friends may be the first to recognize signs of depression in a new mother, and lists ways to help: encouraging a talk with a health care provider, helping get to appointments, offering emotional or practical support, and taking on daily tasks such as caring for the baby or the home. Womenshealth.gov adds that you can ask your partner or a loved one to call your provider for you if you need to.

Who to call in New York and Connecticut

Start with your own provider. ACOG says to call your OB-GYN or another health care professional right away if you think you may have postpartum depression, or if your partner or family is worried that you do, and not to wait until your postpartum checkup. These lines can help in between, or if you do not know where to start.

• Your OB, midwife, primary care provider or your baby's pediatrician. Womenshealth.gov lists all four as people you can call about postpartum depression symptoms.
• National Maternal Mental Health Hotline: 1-833-852-6262 (1-833-TLC-MAMA). Call or text. NIMH and the New York State Office of Mental Health describe it as free, confidential and open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, with English- and Spanish-speaking counselors.
• 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: call or text 988. Free, confidential and available 24/7. In New York City, NYC Health says 988 counselors can also link you to mental health and substance use services, with phone support in over 200 languages.
• Postpartum Support International HelpLine: 1-800-944-4773. Call, or text "Help" to 800-944-4773. PSI says it is not a crisis line, and messages are returned every day.
• New York: the Office of Mental Health perinatal page lists the Postpartum Resource Center of New York (855-631-0001) for free, confidential emotional support and a statewide resource directory.
• Connecticut: the Department of Mental Health and Addiction Services runs ACCESS Mental Health for Moms, which gives OB, pediatric, primary care and psychiatric providers psychiatric consultation for patients up to one year after delivery. You can ask your provider whether they use it.
• 911 for any emergency, including the signs of postpartum psychosis above.

Where a postpartum doula fits, and where she does not

A postpartum doula is not a therapist and does not screen for, diagnose or treat depression or anxiety. What she can do is non-medical. She may notice that you seem more withdrawn than last week, ask how you are really doing, help you write down what you are feeling so you can tell your provider, and encourage you to make that call. She can also take on the practical load that makes everything heavier: feeding logistics, laundry, a meal, a shower without listening for the baby.

Sleep matters here. Womenshealth.gov suggests resting as much as you can and not trying to do everything by yourself while you get care. Some families use overnight help for this, and our guide on planning overnight postpartum doula care covers how to think through nights.

With Northeast Doulas, your postpartum doula will create a customized plan for your family, and you get to set the agenda, so the plan can center on what you need most, including protected rest. That support sits alongside your medical care, never in place of it.

What to do next

If your feelings have lasted more than two weeks, are getting worse, or make it hard to care for yourself or your baby, your next step is a provider, not a doula. Call today, and ask someone you trust to make the call with you if that helps. If you have a history of depression, ACOG suggests telling your OB-GYN early, ideally before or early in pregnancy, so you can plan ahead.

If you are still pregnant, you can build mood check-ins into your plan now. Our guide on how to make a postpartum plan shows how, and urgent maternal warning signs after birth lists the physical signs that also need a same-day call.