Love and parenting sound like they go together beautifully. 2 people fall in love, they skip around holding hands for a while, they eat a strand of spaghetti together, lock lips in the middle of a strand and then…
A baby gets inside one of them! That’s how it works, right?
The pregnant couple talk about what it will be like to be parents. They giggle and snuggle. They make up silly names for the bean, bun, Yoda, who will be wrapped in their arms before they know it.
What they know for sure is that their kid will never, cry in a restaurant, throw a tantrum, eat junk food, watch tv, be given something after they’ve been told, no and so on and so forth.
And then birth happens. The baby is here.
The giggly, snuggly moments stretch out and become scarce. The silly names keep coming by the deliberate “our kid will nevers” come to a screeching halt. Reality sets in and love and parenting turns into… How do we get through the day (and night) with a new baby…
Love and parenting turn into frustration and desperation. Decisions that were once philosophy based, become haphazard and “hopes” at best. Structure, systems, and strategies fall to the wayside and keeping the kid alive and maintaining your sanity are all that seem to matter.
And then there’s your relationship… You know, that skipping, hand holding, spaghetti eating thing you used to do…
It becomes every man for themselves and the divide contributes to the challenges. Exhaustion, anxiety, crying (from both mother and baby), laundry, groceries, the dog… It all seems to pile up and feel like a giant weight on both parent’s shoulders.
And yet, it never seems to be a topic of conversation.
The very things that each of the two individuals experiencing this (TOGETHER) are feeling, never get discussed. I mean, they get thrown own during frustrated moments…
“I have to do everything!” = “You won’t let me help you!”
“You don’t help at all!” = “Everything I do, you say is wrong!”
“You don’t even hear her crying during the night!” = “You’re breastfeeding her! I don’t have breasts!”
The list and the struggles go on and on… But they don’t have to! What if I told you that there are these really awesome professionals who are specifically trained to implement strategies that align with your parenting philosophies! Certified doulas who can help talk all of this through with you and strategize how to best support you as a loving, parenting couple!
We’re here to help you. If you live in Greenwich, Connecticut or Westchester, NY and are having a difficult time with life with a newborn, stop what you’re doing right now and contact Northeast Doulas! Let’s get things back on track and help you settle into life with your new baby.