Congratulations on the birth of your baby and on the transition you are making from woman to mother. I’m really not quite sure which of the two is more challenging but I know for sure that they are both huge milestones in a human beings life.
I’ve been a doula for a long time and I have supported hundreds of women who are right where you are this very minute. I know that there are moments where your soul feels electrified and you acknowledge that motherhood and this baby are the reason you’ve been placed upon this earth.
But I also know about the other times… The times where you think to yourself… What the f*ck have I done…
I remember being with a client years ago. It was about two weeks after her first baby was born. I was working with her and her baby on comfort techniques for the baby and confidence building for her. Just a couple of the wonderful things we do as postpartum doulas.
We had gotten the baby happily settled after a feed and sat down to talk. This woman who had more love in her heart for this baby and for being his mom looked at me with eyes filled with tears.
She said, “I am so pissed off at my friends right now.” Not knowing what she meant, I asked for more information.
She shared that she was the last of her circle of friends to have a baby and that every single one of them had been through this. They each had done this before and had been exactly where she was right now. She explained that she was furious with them for 2 reasons.
The first was that each of them had experienced this alone and none of them asked the group of friends for help. Not one had said, “This is hard and I’m struggling. I need support”
The second was because none of them had said, “This is hard and I’m struggling. I need support”
She was upset that this powerful circle of friends who had shared so many life moments, so many hopes and dreams, so many birthdays and weddings, so many tears and so much laughter didn’t feel safe turning to the group with the feelings associated with becoming someone’s mother.
What a disservice it is to the sisterhood of women to not share these feelings; these difficulties.
As a doula, it is heartbreaking to me when women feel the need to suffer silently with post birth emotions.
Look, this shit is hard. Whether you’ve never done it before, or it’s your third, fifth or tenth time, having a baby is hard.
It’s hard on your body, it’s hard on your mind, it’s hard on your emotions, it’s hard on your life, it’s hard on your relationship; it’s just plain hard. And it’s hard for everyone, whether they say so or not!
Please, new mom, please slow down. Slow your pace, your expectations, and if possible, the racing thoughts in your mind. You are not alone in spirit and you don’t have to be alone in person.
Reach out to us today and let’s get you some support. Someone who gets it, someone who understands.
You likely could benefit from a compassionate understanding woman who is knowledgeable about postpartum physical and emotional recovery and all things baby related. Around here, we call this magical woman… a doula.
Authored by: Randy Patterson
