Creating a Family
All I ever wanted to be was a mom.
Really! And not just a mom in the sense of mothering a child, I mean a mother, responsible and accountable, the matriarch of a family.
I had been developing a plan for this since I was a child.
I kept a running log through out my childhood, my teen years and my early 20’s. I would do this, I wouldn’t do that etc…
When Jerry and I were young (just 17 years old) we would critique other parents and talk about what we would and wouldn’t do if we ever had children together.
As I think back about this, what I know for sure is that the feelings and thoughts I was having would be the backbone of my parenting philosophies and they would in fact, help mold me as a woman and shape our family.
It always intrigues me when I start a discussion with a pregnant couple about parenting philosophies.
What I’ve learned is that most people don’t necessarily have a vision of “the big picture”.
They have some starting points, and that’s great but what if their actions and decision making process was deliberate in creating a standard for their family.
What if they knew that their long-term goals could help them parent with more intent in their daily interactions.
When pregnant or new families think about parenting philosophies what typically comes to mind or a google search is attachment parenting or scheduled parenting.
BUT…. There is soooo much more to think about. I mean those will get you started and if they are truly your philosophies and not just an idealistic approach for you, they will continue, but what else?
For me, one of those philosophies was centered around respect. I will do anything for you, including lay down and die. I will meet every need you have, I will nurture you through difficult times in your life from kissing boo-boos to heartbreak, to you name it.
You can count on me at any hour of any day for any reason for every day that I live on this earth.
No need of yours will ever be too great or too small for me to give you my undivided attention when you ask for it.
I will stay tuned into you, emotionally and physically because you need me and I need you. And for these reasons, you will respect me.
You will respect me the way that I respect myself because after all, you are an extension of me.
Recently another mom said to me, (in front of Erica, my now 20 year old daughter) “my daughter was yelling at me all morning! Do your girls yell at you?”
Before I could answer her, Erica said, “yell at her? Are you kidding? She’s our MOTHER! She shared her body with us! NO, We don’t yell at her. We would never dream of yelling at her.”
This exchange was total validation for me that my parenting philosophies, coupled with my daily interactions had created the level of respect, that met the standard that I, the matriarch of my family, created, executed and expected!
Authored by: The Rock n’ Roll Doula