I completely disagree with this overused, under-understood statement that it takes a village to raise a child! I mean really??? The whole village? What about the village idiot? Does he get to help too?
I’ll tell you what it does take. It takes parents that parent deliberately. It takes a small handful of the RIGHT people. People who understand your values, your morals and your parenting philosophies.
Recently, a woman in my village (my daughters, 11th grade English teacher) thought I needed help raising MY child. I, however, did not invite her into my child raising circle. In fact, my daughter who has an 85 average in english and has never had a disciplinary action, does not like this teacher and is not liked by this teacher. This teacher talks derogatively to my daughter to the extent that other adults in the school have brought it to my attention. My daughter, admittedly has no respect for this woman and is not without blame. She loves the “social game” part of school and often needs to be reminded that school is actually an academic game!
Now for the part where her teacher thinks I need a village to help me raise her… Ty is “alternative” looking. She colors her hair (red, teal, platinum blonde, etc) she has facial piercings and dons herself in edgy studded clothing. (We are in total support of this creative way to express oneself). Oh, she’s also well adjusted, a cheerleader and full of the rarest teenage girl commodity, GREAT SELF ESTEEM!
Based on her appearance (and her “social business”), this teacher, told MY DAUGHTER that she was lacking a positive female role model in her life. She told Ty that she (the teacher) was going to be her (Ty’s) role model. Ty came home and told me about this in a very casual, shrug it off kind of way and I… LOST MY MIND!
If she wants to be a role model to my daughter, she will have to submit a role model application to me along with a long and elaborate essay on what makes her a good candidate to be one. I will then do a background check on her and if all of that looks good, I will consider offering her an interview.
When my attorney called the school to discuss this incident of harassment by the teacher, the school took action. A letter of council was put in her permanent file and I was assured that if it ever happened again, she would be fired.
I share this with you because the term “it takes a village” gives power and authority to others to have influence over your children. The expression is thrown around loosely and without concern for the child. I say we think this phrase through a little better, we parent intentionally and we always stay cautious of those trying to influence our children!