I un-zip myself.
It’s usually what people say they like about me.
I give it all. I open myself up. I expose myself! I share in a way many do not consider.
I guess it’s like public nudity. To the person doing it, it’s normal. Others either think it’s cool and do it too, or it makes them completely uncomfortable and they get as far away from it as humanly possible.
I “un-zip” because living on the surface, is a giant waste of time to me.
Dialogues like… “Hey, how are you? Good. You? How are the kids? Great…. I saw you got a new mini van, how nice. Blah, blah, blah…. No one gives a shit about that stuff!” bore me and the fact that they are “obligatory” is aggravating to me.
So… I engage. I share of myself (the good and the bad, what has worked for me and what hasn’t, my feelings of pride and my “chump” feelings) and sometimes, just sometimes the other person breaks down their walls and gives a little back and I am grateful.
I “un-zip” with passion and I do it with enthusiasm. Sometimes, my willingness to do it, encourages the other person to open up, maybe dig a little deeper and share their thoughts and desires. To me, that feels good. I feel like it counts. One gives, one takes. The other gives, the other takes. That must be what they mean when they say, “sharing”. It feels like sharing.
But, when I give like that and I take like that, I allow myself to believe that the relationship means something important to both of us. I guess it is the risk of being wrong and getting hurt that makes this so valuable.
That we have un-zipped ourselves to each other and because of that, we have an un-breakable bond. That we are committed to enjoying the good together and working through the bad together. That it has tremendous value to both of us. When I find out that it doesn’t, it feels just like getting your skin caught in a zipper. You’re stunned!
You know what I mean? You throw on your jacket, you grab the metal handle of the zipper, without focus, mid conversation, while thinking about where your keys and phone are… OWWWWW! The sting of your skin being ripped by the speed of your zip, snaps you right the fuck out of it. You’re stunned!
You think you have something special that deserves protection with that friend and instead you find out that it is easily discarded. You’re stunned!
As a friend, I rally behind you. I push you to be what you say you want to be. I listen. I engage. I am not perfect. I do it the way I know how. I do it the way I would want it done for me. I do it the way I do everything… with gusto!
Just do me one favor…
If what you want changes, tell me.
Authored by: The Rock n’ Roll Doula