“I want an epidural” O.k. What I really said was, “GET ME A FUCKIN’ EPIDURAL!”
Here’s what I missed at the childbirth class that I took when I was pregnant with Erica.
I heard the word focus. I thought, ok, she means a focal point, a strong awareness, an understanding of what was happening to me.
OK, I can do that… I didn’t realize that what she meant by “focus” was to go deep inside of myself. Tune out all noise, light, sound, smell, self doubt, worry etc. and bring ALL of my focus to my inner self. My inner-self.
I didn’t realize that it meant I should concentrate all of my attention and energy internally.
I don’t know how I missed it, but I did. Instead, I focused on how long it had been since my water broke. I focused on the fetal heart monitor that I was attached to. I focused on how much my back hurt. I focused on how uncomfortable I was in bed. I focused on how much longer it would be before I met my baby, etc… Do you see where I went wrong?
So… after 27 hours of labor, I waived the white flag of surrender, got the epidural (which I didn’t want) and 20 minutes later I was fully dilated with no sensation to push. My doctor cut a large episiotomy and I delivered my daughter. He reached his entire hand and wrist into my body, pulled out my placenta, sewed me back up and called it a day…
Four years later, I was pregnant again. I was too busy to take a childbirth class this time and decided we were just...Read more