As a doula, I watch men become fathers.
I witness this, usually emotional transformation and I think to myself, this family is set! This guy is completely engaged in this process! He will be a great father. But then something can happen that gradually changes things. Maternal instinct can actually push the paternal desire away. The mother’s bond with her child can be so strong that she is not able to let go enough to allow her partner to learn and bond with the baby. If he is told that everything he does is wrong or he is not given the time and space to create his own style and bond, he is likely to soon give up.
IF YOU SAY:
The diaper is too loose!
You only snapped one snap!
He needs to burp!
Not like that!
HE WILL SAY:
He wants his mother!
He doesn’t like me!
I’m not good at burping him!
AND YOU WILL SAY:
I get no support!
He never helps me with the baby!
As soon as the baby cries, he passes him to me!
I can only imagine that to a man, this feels like failure. The man, has lost his partner too. His wife is consumed by his child and has pretty much told him he sucks and she’s abandoned him on top of it!
“I’ll be the mom, you be the dad.” Says a bossy little 5...Read more